June is here, which means its time for a post-spring cleaning of last months cinematic trash. Cue Rolling Stones film critic Peter Travers, who breaks out his handy Scum Bucket for the worst of Mays hot-mess movies.
He kicks things off with what may be the most disgusting entry of the month (and possibly all year): The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence). The grotesque cult film thats somehow spawned two sequels and like its predecessors, the last entry of the trilogy centers around the act of stitching a persons mouth to another persons, ah, anus. Theyre still doing it! Travers says, rightfully baffled.
Also up on deck: Pitch Perfect 2s Hailee Steinfeld as a teenage special ops agent in Barely Lethal (Get it? Its a pun), one who wants to be a normal kid but finds high school more terrifying than dealing with terrorists, as he describes. Im saving you. Youre not gonna go near it. Even less appealing is Diane Keaton and Morgan Freemans 5 Flights Up, about a couple pondering the sale of their Brooklyn walk-up. So sappy, so awful, Travers says. And Aloft is not much better, as Jennifer Connely searches for her hawk-raising son but instead they both find themselves [staring] into space. You should not stare at this not once, not ever.
Travers also takes on Aloha, Cameron Crowe directing a messy, star-studded romp in Hawaii (What happened? Did this get lost somewhere?); the Poltergeist remake; San Andreas, an action film starring the Rock and about an earthquake wreaking havoc on the entirety of California (a digital mess); and Hot Pursuit, in which Reese Witherspoons cop chases Sofia Vergaras widowed-gangsters-wife across Texas. The world did not need this movie, the critic declares. No one should be in hot pursuit of Hot Pursuit.
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